Make Love Not War

An article posted today on the CNN website describes the behaviour of bonobos, a chimp-like primate, which resolve disputes by "a quick round of sex".

Now I'm sure most of us have "made up" after a domestic row by retiring to the boudoir for a little horizontal mambo, but it appears these critters have taken it to a whole new level. Not only do they greet rivals with a "genital handshake", but instead of fighting over territory, they screw each other over it.

All of which makes me think "What if evolution had taken a twist and mankind descended from the bonobos rather than their war-like cousins, the chimpanzees?". This, in turn, poses other questions:

• What would basic training be like?
• Would the Hundred Years War have been the Hundred Years Orgy?
• How would aerial combat be conducted?
• How would the arms race escalate?
• Would conservatives still complain about inadequate government spending on the military?
• What would a M*A*S*H* unit treat other than priapisms and STDs? (Damn insurgents gave me a dose!)
• Would we still be pondering whether women should be front-line troops?
• Would Ovid have written "Warfare is a kind of love" rather than the other way around?

I'm blown away by the possibilities. What do you think?